Angry? Upset? Confused?

Sit down; take a series of long deep breaths. Go for a brisk walk. Soak in a hot bath with essential oils—lavender is very soothing. The big lie caregivers tell themselves is: “This can never be better until this problem is over.” NOT TRUE. At any moment, you can decide to learn to cope. Take your stress in hand. Learn what is Alzheimer’s and what is you. Be kind to yourself. Forgive the person you care for AND forgive yourself. Here are some common issues with solutions for now!

Hygiene Crisis?

No-one needs a shower every day to be clean. Especially not elders. Many people with dementia are afraid of the shower. If you MUST give a shower, use a hand-held shower, start with the feet and work up the body. Maybe this person could use a soaped wash-cloth to wash the most-needed areas—under arm, crotch, behind. Don’t turn this into a fight. Frighten an already frightened person with dementia, you will create a back-lash of fear and anger. Take it slow. Use bribery, suggestion, persuasion. “After you have your shower, we’ll have cookies.” “Your son John’s coming today. You want to look good for him, don’t you?” Consider having an aide come in to give a shower.

Wandering.

This is the way people with dementia self-medicate their fear and anxiety. Secure the house but allow a walking program. Go yourself. Hire a helper. Go to a daycare program. Devise a way for this person to use up some of that nervous energy. Of course they’re afraid—wouldn’t you be?

Combativeness.

Usually occurs in one of 3 situations. 1. Man gets angry; wife moves in towards him, he hits her. 2. Man gets angry at help in the shower. 3. Man gets angry at help in toileting.  It isn’t always a man who is combative, but it usually is. In every case, fear underlies the anger. When the anger shows, move back out of range to give this person space to feel safer in.  Apologize—as in “I’m sorry if I scared you. I’ll move back.” Then explain what you are doing—as in “I’m just going to help you here—is that okay with you?”  Slow down, take more time, do not invade the other person’s space, ask permission, be ready to apologize and try again another time.

A different problem?

Email Frena with your problem and let’s see if we can find other solutions. Frena offers email counseling services when appropriate. You may also find her books or workshops for families or professionals helpful supplements in supporting your experience.

Alzheimer’s means nothing always works, many things sometimes work, so we’re searching for the solution that most often works for an individual person.

No-one is Alzheimer’s. Everyone is his or her own person, with an individual and unique life, plus Alzheimer’s. Alzheimer’s makes a person more complex, not less.

The heart and the spirit do not get Alzheimer’s. They always remain whole within. Our challenge is to journey from our heart to that heart and walk along together.